7 Ways To Find Closure From A Past That Haunts You

In life, we can’t always get the closure we seek in the way we want to obtain it. Whether it’s because someone passed away before a resolution could occur, the situation just grew too out of hand, or was incredibly traumatic, there are times when we have to take action into our own hands for the sake of enjoying a good quality of life. Fortunately, there are seven helpful ways to find closure from a past that’s still haunting you.

Write A Letter

Writing is a terrific way of releasing your emotions and finding closure for a few reasons. First, you can write as much as you want for as long as you want. Sometimes, having a time constraint on a vent session can make you feel dismissed, so writing at your own pace lets you get out what you need to when you need to.

Second, writing releases feelings you may not have felt comfortable sharing or ever been able to share with the person who wronged you. This is especially true if the person passes away and back-and-forth conversation is no longer an option.

Plus, it’s not just releasing trapped emotions that are beneficial for healing either. Writing also lets you jot down your concerns and fears.

For example, maybe you’re worried about this feeling lasting. Writing something like that down can help you develop a plan of action to get better.

Accept Your Feelings

Whether you’re writing in your journal or talking to a friend, you may not like your emotions.

A common example might be going through a breakup or losing your dog and feeling bad about being sad for so long. The reality is, however, that there’s nothing wrong with how you feel. Emotions, including their duration, will vary from person to person.

How you deal with them, however, is through accepting them. When you’re trying to find closure, accepting your feelings, regardless of how uncomfortable they may make you feel, offers valuable lessons and creates a starting point for you to process them.

Think about it: how can you develop tools to address your pain if you keep pretending you don’t have any?

How can you start accepting your feelings? The first is to sit with your emotions until you feel ready to move forward. For example, crying until you don’t feel like it anymore. The second we discuss below.

Practice Mindfulness

Per VeryWell Mind, “Mindfulness is the practice of becoming more fully aware of the present moment — non-judgmentally and completely — rather than dwelling in the past or projecting in the future.”

As such, it’s one of the best things you can do if you’re seeking closure from a past that’s still causing you stress.

Through mindfulness, you can stay present in the moment instead of thinking about what happened or how that could possibly affect you moving forward. Far too often, we tend to catastrophize situations and feelings, which just leads to more stress, fear, and anxiety.

If you want to find closure, accept that what happened was — and is — in the past, and instead, focus on what’s in front of you. Sometimes making that distinction between what was and what is can be a powerful reminder that it’s two different lives.

Go To Therapy

The most significant way to address the past and find closure is to enroll in therapy.

Therapy offers a safe space for you to release your emotions and receive tools to move forward. During therapy, your therapist may answer questions related to your past to help you understand them.

For example, if you experience loss and are worried that your grief isn’t typical, your therapist can let you know what is normal and when you should be concerned. This kind of clarity can provide closure, and in some cases, a plan of action.

Have New Experiences To Create New Memories

The best way to have closure on your old life is to create a new one — and the easiest way of doing this is to have new experiences and create new memories.

Book a trip to an exotic location. Visit a new restaurant on opening night. Go to a painting class with your friends.

When finding closure, you’re looking for the feelings associated with that bad experience to end. What better way to do that than by replacing bad memories with ones that are good and genuinely involve something you enjoy?

Practice Forgiveness

This is probably one of the most difficult suggestions on this list, but when trying to find closure from a past that still haunts you, you have to try and practice forgiveness.

While it’s often easier said than done, it’s important to remember that forgiveness isn’t in favor of the one who hurt you. Rather, it’s for yourself.

By forgiving someone for hurting you, you’re promoting the release of sadness, anger, and other complex emotions that are holding you back. At the end of the day, if you’re making room for so much anger, how are you possibly making room for anything else?

Take Accountability

In the same vein as forgiveness, you might need to take accountability in order to find closure from the past.

However, keep in mind that accountability doesn’t always mean you did something bad. Instead, it means that you’re owning up to reality.

Let’s say, for example, that your loved one was sick in the hospital. Though you visited them often, you reached a point of needing a break due to the emotional toll it was taking on you.

If they passed away before your next visit, you might be haunted by that and feel guilty that you did something wrong. In a situation like this, you can take accountability for your decision and let yourself off the hook. Yes, you loved them, but you also had a right to set a boundary if it was becoming too detrimental to your mental health.

Of course, there may be times when you also have to take accountability for wrongdoings. If you were partly at fault for a friendship ending, for example, and you’re haunted by that, owning up to your mistakes can let you accept your actions, but also learn from them so you don’t make the same mistake moving forward.

At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that closure can be given by others, but also something you can provide yourself. These seven tips can help you get started.